My life has changed drastically since I last blogged. My husband has resigned his call to the church where he’s been pastor for the last 11 years. I knew his ministry there was coming to an end because of recent events within our church and the denomination that the church belongs to, but I did not know that it would happen so soon, or that it would be so sudden – or that the whole process of saying good-bye would be so painful.
One unfortunate consequence of this whole unfolding mess is that I have learned I am being cyber-stalked. Parts of my previous blogs, taken out of context, were read aloud at a church council meeting where my husband and I were then berated. This kind of thing hurts me deeply as a person and a writer. I have always tried to be honest but discreet in my blog posts. My intention has never been to diss others, but to honestly express my own feelings about the impact of certain happenings and actions on me. I have never even thought a bad thing about the women who were upset with me. Quite the opposite! Knowing that my words were twisted and used against me, and my husband, is a horrible feeling.
So what to do from this point forward? Clam up? Shut down? Shut up? Stop writing at a time I most need to release my angst, vent my frustration, ask for prayers and gain support from friends and family, many of whom my only connection to is online?
I suspect I shouldn’t care what the people who criticized me because of what I wrote think of me (although I do), but a concern is that my husband is obviously looking for a new call, and I really, really don’t want to do anything to jeopardize his chances. But when I think of trying to live out the next however many years under a gag order, not able to say what I really think or be who I really am, is is so disheartening that I want to cry. Am crying.
A year and a half ago, I was in a group at Gather.com called Shedding Light, led by the wonderfully insightful Mariana T. She asked us to make a list of the things we needed to shed, the things that are holding us back, and dragging us down. Among the things I listed were Clutter, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurity, Low Self-Esteem, Excess Weight, Inertia, Excessive Possessions, Computer Games and other Time Wasters.
To the past and future church council members who may be reading this – there you have it. You now know all of my vices. Look no further. Dig no deeper. It’s all right here.
The sad thing, as I read this list, is that instead of shedding the things on the list, I seem to be attracting them like a magnet. I feel like I’m inside a huge snowball, gathering unwanted masses of the above items as I roll downhill. I feel like I’m about ready to hit a tree and explode into a million fragments of icy debris. I can’t concentrate. I am terribly over-committed and way behind on everything, but I can’t seem to get anything done.
But maybe there is hope. I got my blog done, didn’t I?
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October 26, 2011 at 10:34 am
Rebecca
Praise be to God Dear Sherrie! This kind of behavior is rampant in the church!
There is no true love for Jesus Christ, but only a love of self.
This is a very hard thing to say because we are conditioned to say only good things.
But this is The Truth!….. and we must face it!
The following are not my words, but GOD’s….. so if there are any “lurkers” out there with vile intentions……… my advice to you is to take it up with The God Who Created You and wrote these words!!!!!!
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+Timothy+3&version=NIV
God will use these experiences to lead and guide you to the next level of HIS Glory!
2 Corinthians 3:18
And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
Satan would love nothing more than to trip you up and make you fall! Seek Him who loves you! God will cause you to rise above!
John 10:10
10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
Prepare for your next assignment!
God goes before us:
Deuteronomy 1:30
The LORD your God, who is going before you, will fight for you…….
And write!!!!!!! God may use it to minister to a WORLD of broken people!
Hugs to you Dear Sherrie and Mark!
Rebecca Wallace (and Kent)
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October 26, 2011 at 11:18 pm
Sherrie Hansen
Thank you so much – for the encouragement, your insights, the Scriptures, and most of all, your prayers.
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November 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Sheila Deeth
Oh Sherrie! I’m so sorry. I’ve read various of your books and blogposts and truly admire you and how carefully and kindly (yes, and faithfully) you’ve chosen your words. God doesn’t want us to live under gag orders, else how shall the world hear His name. I am sure there is a wonderful church eagerly waiting to find you both, and I pray God will lead you there soon and surround you with His love.
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November 3, 2011 at 3:52 pm
Sherrie Hansen
Thank you, Sheila. It has been a rough few weeks, but we are both waiting on God’s promise that he has a plan for us.
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