In this year’s Christmas letter, I said,  “I am now a published author of two books, Night and Day, and Stormy Weather – a most wonderful happening, squeezed in between daily stresses that do not go away simply because something extraordinary has happened.”

Being published is certainly a dream come true for me. I’ve signed more than 800 copies of Night and Day – To dreams come true,  Sherrie Hansen (with a flourish under my name).

So why is it, when our dreams finally come true… when we finally find the pot of gold at the rainbow… the experience often isn’t all it’s cracked up to be?

As a single woman, I was convinced that when I met Mr. Right, all my problems would mysteriously vanish.  I would lose all the weight that I had gained over the years because I had no one to hold me, no one to be with. My financial woes would disappear, my sorrows would simply go away, and my frustrations would evaporate, so wrought with great joy and extraordinary sex my life would be.

As all of you old married couples tried to tell me, being part of a couple comes with its own set of challenges, and that’s not even taking step-children into account!

When the economy is in a down cycle, I console myself with dreams that this or that politician or promise or occurrence or happening will make everything all better again. My troubles will all fly-away, and I’ll be in the money again. Then, everything will be wonderful.

As a yet-to-be published author, I told myself much the same little white lies. Being published was all I needed to make me happy. If I only had the affirmation of knowing my work was worthy of publication, I would be satisfied. All I needed is to hear is that someone likes my book, and then everything would be okay.

Don’t get me wrong – being published is a wonderful feeling. Hearing from readers who like my books and can’t wait to read more is a joyful, unparalleled thing.

So why is it that this year, of all years, I have a royal case of the holiday blues?

Perhaps it is because my back is out, I’m estranged from my 19 year old step-son, and I’m still faced with frustrating circumstances on a near daily basis as I struggle to juggle a time-consuming business, family, friends, husband, church, and now, a blossoming writing career with it’s own set of demands. Perhaps it’s because I’m in my 50’s and my body, both physically and emotionally, is changing, falling apart, failing me.

Perhaps it’s because I’m still deluding myself, thinking that any one occurrence can make me happy.

Perhaps its because I keep forgetting to count my many blessings, name them one by one…   Perhaps it’s because I am a blue belle living in a blue house, when I should be out painting the town pink, or green or yellow or even purple, looking up, seeing rainbows.

The pot of gold may be ever elusive, but the rainbows, ah, the rainbows… the rainbows always keep me looking up.

What about you? Have you ever achieved a goal, then found it less than satisfying? Are you singing the blues this Christmas or swinging from a chandelier as you ring in the New Year? Have you found the secret of happiness? Contentment in any circumstance? I’d love to hear your thoughts…

The author is in, and signing copies of her latest release. Keep looking up!  Sherrie Hansen (with a flourish under my name.)

Advertisements